Home is where the heart is

I used to miss my home when in university and even while in Mumbai, I prefer the peace and comfort of home over the rush and liveliness of the city. It is not just familiarity that I miss- the greenery, water, rains, comparative lack of poverty, relative empowerment of women and indifference towards religion and caste were all features I cherished about Kerala. I considered myself lucky to have been born in there.

I used to be proud of the political awareness of the people who vote out each government with contempt, assert their rights fearlessly and the strong links maintained by non-resident mallus with their roots. I was saddened by the floods that mercilessly made indelible marks deeper on the minds of my people than on the landscape, but the unity with which the people clawed back from the brink made my eyes well up with hope and pride.

Of late, things have changed. There has been a tectonic shift in the surface- but what has become frightfully obvious is that this is only an outpouring of emotions and fears that were so far tucked away in the dark recesses of the Malayali psyche. That these emotions have always existed is a fact to which I woke up only due to the recent incidents that have proved beyond doubt that Kerala is as susceptible to communal polarisation as any backward north Indian shrine is to political opportunism. These incidents were merely the first signs of black on my mind's canvas on which I had adoringly painted my land.

Until now, the abuses and shoutings that used to happen on facebook profiles of actresses and social activists were considered as a normal process of adjustment of a predominantly middle-aged and old society to the winds of change sweeping through the world. Assertiveness of women on the social scene, liberation of different sexual identities, openness in discussing hitherto taboo subjects like menstruation and sexual health were a progressive trend that met natural reactionary opposition like in any part of the world. I judged that openness and freedom were winning and the trolls and abuses were seen by me as the dying gasps of an outdated and soon to be abandoned conservatism, male chauvinism. Although I was not in favour of extreme reactions like "Kiss of Love" which was very nearly about challenging the other side to a fight and not a sincere attempt to reform, I felt such extreme steps are par for the course when reactionaries also go to the extreme level and contemptuously dismiss the need for any change.

But I was wrong. These reactions were the violent suppression of a much needed fledgling reform movement that could have ensured that women could safely drive their cars without getting abused at any time of the day. These reactions were meant to snuff out any attempt to change and not merely the last vestiges of a dark age. The kind of attack on women and children, will send a chill down the spine of even the most detached and indifferent braveheart. The fact these are coming out with alarming regularity makes me wonder how long "God's own country" has shrouded itself under the veneer of nature's bounty and social progress  without revealing the truth that is full of "Devil's own people".

Political activism is just a means for various political factions to capture power at the cost of innocent lives. While celebrating the unity and fortitude of the people in the aftermath of the floods, the revelation by a court appointed investigation that it was the ineptitude of the administration that caused the floods unwinds any claim to administrative and political progress in the state.

This is where Mumbai shows a different path- all the good, the bad and the ugly are laid bare. From the stark economic contrast to the indifference towards both the affairs of other people and environment degradation, the grimful days of communal riots, wounds of terrorism and the darkness of gang wars, the city has accepted it all and not denied or hidden anything. The kind of safety that women and children confidently enjoy, the freedom the city gives its students to pursue any career path- be it commerce or acting (unlike my state where you HAVE TO BE a doctor or an engineer), the freedom to mind my own business and my indifference to the life of others is something Kerala can learn from.

I do not want Kerala or any part of it to transform itself into a city of inequality where trampling the slower ones under the foot mad rush of life is essential for one's survival and creaking infrastructure that makes life just long journeys to and from work filled with uncertainties. But I wish my state would stay green, politically aware, forget religious differences and defend itself from selfish, shameless and crooked politicians, ruthless and unscrupulous businessmen and most dangerous of them all- indifferent people.

We the people need to stop suppressing and denying their own identity and need to confront it head on. We need to come out into the open and deal with all the festering issues in our mind- male superiority, obsession with flaunting wealth, disregard for nature ranging from encroachment on sensitive water bodies to unstable hillsides and lack of respect for labour. As the state with highest literacy in the country, we should also be leading the country in the fight against fake news, sensational reporting by media and fake social media posts and also online frauds.

However, we seem to be faring no better than the rest of the country in handling these issues. As Joseph Alex famously said, all of us need a huge dose of "Sense, Sensibility and Sensitivity" for things to get better. Although a famous movie dialogue, it fits in perfectly as a solution to the current issues we have in our state.
As I write this after a two week holiday in Kerala, I do not miss the place, I do not have pine for a life there, but I do wish things would get better there and that I am able to be a part o
f that transformation.

Machine, Witch and I

I am creating a post simply because I have time and have nothing to do but wait for others to do their job. But the results are with me and the final impact is quite clear, I will be very late to get home today. This happens more frequently than I would like and each time, as the fact that I would be stuck in office for the most flimsiest of reasons sink in, a tsunami of emotions well up in my mind accompanied by a tide of acidity in my stomach. Since these are unhealthy, I have tried to control my emotions and thus the gastronomic discomfort. However, bottling up emotions do not achieve anything and so I am trying to put a positive spin on my fortune.

I thought I would contemplate on the two novels written by Malayattoor Ramakrishnan that I have read. From amongst his oeuvre, I have read only "Yanthram" and "Yakshi", so it is not a fair way to judge or measure any author, let one one as prolific and acclaimed as Malayattoor. It is very obvious that I am not qualified to judge an author of such high calibre, so I would like to restrict myself to what I experienced while reading the book and how I felt about it.

Beautiful but terrible, that is the easiest way to describe "Yakshi". In every line, there is a sense of fear mixed with dejection. Even when there is hope, you know that there is a cloud of darkness that is growing stronger and since I was reading this at a time of great mental and physical discomfort for me, the novel brings back painful memories. But one thing that the novel abundantly makes clear is that it is neither the physical trauma nor its impact on his visage that drives the protagonist, but the loss of confidence and the resultant inferiority complex. Although it could be considered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I feel that there is more to the inferiority complex.

Although the actions of the protagonist have no similarities to what I did during that period, the gloom, dread, sense of despair were common which were amplified by my state of helplessness. I was stuck in a big city, alone and the "small fish in a big pond" had scared me no end. To the protagonist in "Yakshi", it was the mental trauma caused by an accident that pushes his mind to fill up with gloom and dread, which then starts to carve him apart from the inside. I realised I was doing something similar to myself and hence tried to handle it in a better way. It was all in my mind and it was definitely controllable if I just could accept reality.

However, I realised that I could not do anything to get a grip on my mind till the tide turned in my life. I was helpless and my life was at the mercy of everyone but me- the city, the job I had chosen, the people I lived, worked and travelled with- had more control over my fate than me. This is where I met Balachandran from "Yanthram"- someone who was able to hang on to the unstable, big and uncertain world into which he was suddenly thrown into. Although he loses who he is, gets sidelined frequently and even loses a sense of what is right and wrong, he does survive. But the terms of his survival are not his, they are determined by his own inferiority complex, a sense of desparation to do something remarkable and also his selfishness. I could not let these conquer me.

I realised I needed one thing to go well, a straw at which I can clutch and climb my way out of the pit I had dug my mind into. I was eventually able to do that and for now, I am still above ground.

Don't be Hasty

My father used to say, "In Mumbai everyone's got a wheel on their legs". I realised it is true the moment I reached this place. Right from the rush to exit the aircraft to the daily rush to board the local train, people here are in a hurry. It is not a hurry to get things done because if it was, they would not have thrown themselves into even an empty compartment where it is certain that there are seats for everyone waiting to board. This is the rule by which the place functions and then it seeps into the mind- it percolates into everything that one does and the change is irreversible for most.

The mind too attaches itself to a wheel- while legs carry the body to the train, mind is busy calculating which platform to board the train, which compartment to board, when to jump on board and then what to play on the mobile. Added to this haste is the distraction offered by electronic gadgets, social media, television and the traditional yellow papers. I don't even have the patience to list out all the distractions and I don't even have the time to think, collect my thoughts and put them down here.

So, I am here, I need to put down what I have learned after coming here and I cannot get up before this is complete. I have kept other gadgets away from reach and my mind, hoping I can force my mind to reach a logical destination. I need to not let the haste of my body reach my mind and brush aside all which does not let me go at my pace. The time I have been here has taught me a few things and I am trying to put that together what I want for myself, what I see as right and what I can do.

The first lesson is that I need to learn- this could be about my work, how to deal with people, how the market functions, how my own organisation functions and its pitfalls and the grim reality of post-truth hyperbole, ineptitude and unwieldiness that is haunting my country. Learning is to be better at my job and life and the exposure that I have had once I came to Mumbai has enabled me to change myself for the good to some extent. There are a lot of things that I am yet to implement and I need to start very soon with that.

Next lesson is to wear a mask- this mask is to not let people know who you are, what you are thinking at any particular moment and to be unpredictable. It helps because the world is not fair and even if you go with the best of intentions, someone will deliberately hit you with a truck and trample you. This would help you as it hides where you are going and how you are going.

Although I have had the policy of not trusting anyone, it has not been a sacrosanct commandment of mine. I need to follow this at any cost. Everyone has their own selfish interest and opportunities are few- just grab it no matter what. I do not want to harm or deliberately tarnish anyone, but I will stand up for myself and everything that is important to me.

Then, have clear priorities. To me, job is not a pathway to salvation and it is only a way to pay the bills. I have seen what goes on and it is not in the best interest of my survival to meddle in things beyond my grade or commit myself to more than what my pay justifies. My life is for me and my family- job can only take whatever is left behind, it cannot have the best of me. In the mad rush to survive in the job, for better appraisal, for foreign postings or promotions, there are those who forget themselves. I have seen those who cannot stand their peers take even a single step more than themselves or reach parity. They want to be in the limelight, at the forefront and with a clear lead over others- I do not wish to run myself out of breath trying to beat others.

There are new challenges getting ready as I write this and it will take a lot more than what I have to overcome those. I hope I am up to those and handle them without haste, at my own pace and on my terms. It is not always possible, but there is not limit to hope.

Nostalgia?

It was a coincidence as a friend shared my old photos from 2010 right when 10 year challenge is trending on facebook. Although I consider nostalgia to be a futile emotion and a relapse into the past as unhealthy, it got me thinking on where things went wrong. I might even be making the same mistakes now, as I did then, so the exercise was also meant to be a course correction.

I realised that I lost the plot after 10th standard board exams. I did not decide for myself what I wanted and was ripped apart by the decisions my parents took for me. I did not know what I wanted and went with what they lead me into. It has been over 14 years since those days and I have no regrets about whatever has happened since then. But I wish I had some measure of control over what went on during those days.

I did not read or write or develop myself personally at an age I should and instead, went into the rat race of entrance exams. I recount all this because I am in a similar situation right now. I need to take control of my life or else I will be lost and a decade later, I will be trying to find out what I did with my life. I don't want the critical junctures of my life to be blurs where my life was lead by forces totally out of control and I merely accepted it all passively.

I have not written anything for the past three years. This is an attempt to reclaim this life. Not sure whether I will be successful.

Since "Truth" is stranger than Fiction

At a time when Hollywood is facing an acute shortage of ideas, proved by futile attempts to repackage (Exhibit A- Jason Bourne http://www.thehindu.com/features/cinema/cinema-reviews/jason-bourne-review-snoop-god/article8948373.ece ) or reboot previously successful formulas, it has found that five words can bring audience in droves- "Based on a True Story". My memory starts with the movie "Titanic", where the ship was just a metaphor for a brief but deeply meaningful love affair that had its impact over a lifetime and not the focal point of the story. The movie was not an attempt to create a documentary, but superimposed a beautiful and haunting love story on the already well known disastrous maiden journey of the vessel.

Recently however, movies based on true stories have deviated so much from the truth that their real life protagonists have had to issue statements and elaborate their actions. The most recent example of this has been the movie "Sully"(http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2016-09-07/crash-investigators-pan-their-portrayal-as-villains-in-sully). The purpose is to create a drama where none exists and keep the audience engaged. It would have been difficult to portray the self doubt of "Sully", if there was no evil side or opposition against which he had to wage a battle. In fact, merely depicting the mental agonies of one character, no matter how heroic he is in real life, would not have retained the audience for long without considerable directorial skills. In the era of instant gratification and entertainment in short action packed bursts, no one can blame a master story teller like Clint Eastwood in taking the easy way out- add more drama to make it more appealing to all audiences.

Even worse have been digressions from the truth in movies like "Argo" where they portrayed the Iranians- both the King and the revolutionaries- as savage, corrupt and dogmatic. The fact that these nations were used as merely pawns on the Cold War Chessboard is never emphasised.

Here, perhaps, we can find clues to why the truth is depicted in a different way. It is more convenient and necessary for western movie makers to take this route- to portray the actions of their regimes as legitimate, heroic and thus deserving to be praised and supported. Then, tarnish the other as evil and decadent that needs to be "democratised" and rescued. This is then linked to aspects like national pride and patriotism, a trend that has long been in existence in English movies (eg-Bridge on The River Kwai, Lawrence of Arabia)

The same aspect is creeping into Indian cinema as well. The movie "Airlift" significantly (http://www.hindustantimes.com/bollywood/sorry-akshay-kumar-airlift-is-short-on-facts-external-affairs-ministry/story-fcQzeFk3l7CqJioB8rJRLP.html) deviates from the truth, but that is irrelevant as far as the movie makers are concerned.

Personally, I feel that claims like "based on a true story" should not be encouraged by the media. No one can stop the movie makers from promoting their movie as based on true events, even if their connections with the truth is tenuous. However, media should stop extending support to the hype behind "true story" claims, which currently includes promotions in news and appearances on talk shows. Next, moviegoers should educate themselves about the truth or at least realise that the full truth can never be portrayed on screen and what is portrayed on screen is only partly true. I also hope that moviemakers stop abusing the the five word phrase, if they don't, it might become necessary to force them to issue a disclaimer (or claimer in this case) reading "some of the events/characters/plot in this movie are similar to real life".

The best solution for everyone would be if moviemakers found inspiration from imagination and, when they depict true stories, do justice the truth without distorting it.

Give it Up: Good vision, Uncertain results

Subsidies are meant to ensure that those who cannot afford certain essential goods and services are provided these at a lower price. The difference between the market price and purchase price is borne by the government. Therefore, it should also mean that those who can afford the market price actually buys it at that rate.

The recent campaign launched by the government, which exhorts the public to give up LPG subsidies, is in consonance with the above mentioned idea. Those who can afford to give up the subsidy can give it up, while someone who cannot afford it will be provided the subsidy. This is an idea that has economic and social relevance in our country. When combined with Direct Benefit Transfer, it will allow the government to prevent diversion of domestic LPG cylinders for commercial use- agents will no longer be able to divert those cylinders unavailed out of the twelve subsidised ones each consumer is eligible for, to the black market. In addition, the subsidy given up by each consumer is used to benefit someone who is currently using firewood or other inefficient and polluting source of fuel.

All this however, seems too idealistic because it is too rational  and too simple. It does not consider how people actually think, as for instance, the middle class are already fed up with inflation, especially that of food items; voluntarily taking a price hike might not even cross their minds. They experienced a major disappointment through the hike in indirect taxes without any reductions in income tax (not even deductions permissible under various sections) in the 2014-15 budget. This, when contrasted with huge figures of tax foregone in tax exemptions to corporates and businesses, could make the middle class bitter. Another point of irritation is the demand by MPs to double their salaries despite the huge amounts they draw as allowances and perks they enjoy in addition to their salary. Linking someone who gave up subsidy with another customer who benefited from this is also too simple an idea, which does little to prove the governments effectiveness and earnestness.

The attempt therefore is not going to have a significant impact unless the campaign goes beyond the rational and simple emotional satisfaction of benefiting someone less fortunate. It has to be accompanied by actual government efforts in other areas as well. Broadly, reducing inflation, preventing wasteful government expenditure, raising employment and average income are essential. Specific to LPG, promoting alternatives like piped gas or solar or electric cooking devices can be considered.

Therefore, mere appearances of activity is not sufficient. It has to accompanied by actual effort if the policy is to be effective.

As Time Goes by, Where do I live

In a previous era, my days and my life were based on the seasons. Summer meant vacations and freedom where even the stifling heat could not tire my spirit and body. There was always energy for one more game and always time for one more innings. Rains meant  a new school year, fresh books and drenched uniforms. Months and time of the day did not really matter for all that mattered were the seasons, and every season was always something to look forward to, something to be excited about and something to wait for.

In summer, I used to visit my grandparents place and there would be cousins to play with, elders telling us not to step into the sun and to be careful. But that has changed- one of my cousins is already married, grandparents are gone and we have built a new house in the same place where they had lived. But it is literally and figuratively impossible to recognise that I am at exactly the same place.

It is time that has changed and my life is no longer a matter of seasons, but of weekdays and weekends. The seasons are no longer significant- not just because they have become mixed up due to climate change- but life goes on no matter what. In the same place- which I used to wait anxiously to visit and where I used to play to my hearts content- in the same time of the year, there are no changes with the season. Do I wish those old days were back? That is where the period between my school days and working life taught me valuable lessons.

There was a period between the happy summer vacations and the normal summer days of now- university and civil service exam days. Summer, especially April brought the heat of Test2, lab exams and imminent compre. It was hectic and I wanted breathing space and time to relax- now I wish I was careful what I had wished for. What came next was an era that destroyed the seasons in the way usual people understand and brought Prelims, Post-Prelims, Mains, waiting anxiously, (disappointing) results and recovery seasons. When solely occupied (rather obsessed by exams), what happened everywhere else did not matter and I lost sense of time. The wait was killing, it was depressing and disappointing- time merely disappeared and it was just existence in the hope of something better some day- an endless wait. Three years went by as I stood still, waiting...

What has that taught me? To live in the present because I have control only over my present happiness and I can be happy no matter what the time, season or situation in life. To learn from the past and forget about the rest of it since it cannot come back but can guide me in my future. To build for the future so that I can be happy then too, no matter what the season or the event.

It is time for Selfies in Malayalam Cinema

I was initially sceptical when I went for the movie. I expected it to be another 'Neram' or '1983', but what I saw was quite impressive. It is a worthy successor to the great comedies of 80s and 90s in Malayalam. The name itself is a sign of the shifting times, from 'Oru Vadakkan Veeragadha' to 'Oru Vadakkan Selfie' symbolosises the shift in our lives, the tales we tell and in our movies.


The movie begins on a new generation theme with the hero failing hopelessly in his education, a song 'enne thellendammava njan nannavoola' and an attempt to create a short film to launch the hero on his path to tinseltown. Then, there are serious twists and interesting plots which make for a crazy and suspense filled ride.

What I like about the movie is its ability to bring in comedy without being vulgar. This is what makes it the true inheritor to great Malayalam movies of yore and this success is even more appreciable and evident when we see the poor attempts by a star of yore to pull along another movie with his old and repeated line of acting and comedy. V. Selfie uses exaggerated situational comedy, something the great comedies were very good at. It makes us literally laugh out loud and brings out issues that are of relevance in our society today, be it hartal or online fraud or safety issues in mobile cameras. It thus uses comedy to bring different flavours out of a solid story.

The acting seems natural, with even veteran Vijayaraghavan keeping his place as the father of the hero, Aju Varghese does well as the stupid side-kick whose antics land the hero in trouble, Manjima does well as the female lead and Vineeth Sreenivasan does his part comedy part serious role well too. Nivin Pauly deserves special plaudits for his performance where he lends credibility to the academically challenged and happy go lucky but compassionate hero.

The scene that struck me the most was when the hero realised how he had let his father down and rings him up in the middle of the night to seek forgiveness. I was disappointed since I expected an all to familiar reconciliation and "all is well between father and son" scene. What came next was just brilliant and it is moments like these that make the movie original, funny and worth watching. The songs are not poetic or something that deserves high praise, but in this movie, their funny tone and lyrics provide brilliant backdrops and leitmotifs. The art and camerawork deserve praise too for the scenes in a crowded temple, moving bus, hideout etc.

This definitely is a family movie, something that the entire family can watch and enjoy, even if some of it feels unfamiliar and disagreeable. That is because the movie is at its core a good comedy rooted in the present- hence unfamiliar to some, and comedy must always be exaggerated- hence it cannot be natural. Expect to laugh a lot, keep singing or humming some of the silly songs that would stay with you and appreciate a really smart and funny movie.

PS- There are notable similarities with the movie 'Neram', but 'Neram' is not effective in its comedy as this one and is more absurd- a bit over exaggerated.

Indian Sherlock too gets an upgrade

I have not read Byomkesh Bakshi stories before and so this was my first glimpse into the world of Indian Sherlock Holmes. It was an experience that makes me want to go back again and again. It deserves appreciation on multiple fronts- I have not seen something this good in a long long time, the last time being 'Kahaani', which too has Calcutta as its backdrop.

But the Calcutta in Byomkesh Bakshi is different. It is the one from 1943, when World War2, drug smuggling, Japanese invasion of India and freedom struggle formed the backdrop. The plot involves multiple twists and turns, suspense, action, a bit of romance and even a femme fatale. It keeps us guessing, makes us ask questions and finally reveals the plot in a creative and interesting sequence. Full marks to the story.

The depiction of Calcutta of the era was brilliant along with the acting. Each actor portrays their role effectively and with skill. I was also drawn in by the graphic novel type imagery they produced- something new in India- which reminded my of Guy Ritchie and Quentin Tarantino, but without their unrealistic depictions and hyperbole.

The movie also stays away from the usual bollywood masala and pointless songs, squeezed in comedy and action sequences. Every moment is important to the plot and it is a pleasure to watch the dots being connected and to try and do it ourselves.

In short, its a really good movie. A must watch, a good entertainer, something to cherish as well as look forward to sequel hopefully. These are the sort of movies we need to entertain us, these are the sort of movies that we need to watch and take to box office collection records, not mind numbing and idiotic ones that have been crowned as successes.

Now, let me order the book and read!

Forever..Always..NEVER!

This is not a review of the latest flop in Malayalam movies, but my views on why it is such an agony and disappointment to watch the greats fall from their pedestal. The movie is being advertised as the dream combination of Mohanlal + Sathan Anthikkad + Manju Warrier, but it seems like only one of them really went into the movie knowing their jobs while the other two merely marked their presence without being really necessary to the movie and thus failed to stamp their unique trademarks.

Firstly about the one who was essential to the movie and literally breathes some life into the movie- Mohanlal does his best to raise an ordinary character, plot and dialogues to remarkable levels. Even when he is repeating previous trademark lines, it seems new and original. His acting and comedy however remains underutilised in a story that is so ordinary.

This is where I am so disappointed as Sathyan Anthikkad fails to bring together comedy, trials and tribulations of a divorcee and family bonds in a believable story. The plot has a lot of unnecessary elements right from the "evil" CEO of a construction conglomerate, the "cruel"husband, the elderly couple in the neighbourhood, the perfect mother, the new task oriented editor-in-chief and sad hints of a love triangle. It is definitely the fault of the script-writer that the movie is so lame, but when Sathyan Anthikkad lends his name to a film, the fault must be laid at his feet.

Finally, my biggest personal disappointment- Manju Warrier. I was deeply irritated by the lameness of her first come back movie. This one is just slightly better and that is because her character has a minimal role in the movie and could have been done by just about anybody. There was little to mess up, very few scenes for her and even fewer dialogues. Perhaps it is rustiness which has made her dialogue delivery clearly artificial while expressions have improved a little bit, maybe the effect of so many dance scenes squeezed into the movie.

There are a few who deserve a good word in this movie. Innocent and Lenna, whose roles are totally irrelevant and filled with pointless dialogues do justice to their job. Finally, a word about the audience- the movie is being welcomed with both hands not because it is remotely good, let alone great, but because there are simply NO alternates in this holiday season. There are no other movies that we can watch with our families- parents, children, siblings and grandparents together- and this makes 'Ennum Eppozhum' a superhit. So it is not just the greats that have fallen from their pedestal, but malayalam movies as a whole which has in turn forced the audience to settle for far less than what they have got from these greats.